Holy crap indeed. Some philosophers might well characterize matter that way.
But he was/I am functioning (so far!) and although every one wanted to rush into the room and start testing both of us, we needed a minute, ignoring the many many observations that were being made of us, and simply staring at each other, absorbing the other.
I backed away from the door and he did too and we smiled, both of us wanting the other in “their” room. It shouldn’t matter, this territoriality, after all we were made of the same genetic stuff, but I still perceive him now as another.
Wow Maria! What now?
And all that went though my head in a second, as he waited on the other side of the connecting door and I decided then and there, because I was here first, and it would only be polite after all to him define the territory and so strode through into “his” room, and so come closer to him.
I had never seen myself this close before, seen myself as others see me, and the heightened anticipation, the adrenaline, enhanced my perception and for him too as we reached out and grasped each other’s hands and held them for a minute. Reasonably firm grip, skin fairly soft. He rotated my hand and looked at the backside of it, and then I did it back again it was a very odd thing because it was the same hand, two of them, in full mirror image, the back of my hand, with its hairs and veins and finger ligaments and knuckles and his fingertips wrapping around them with their visible nails, and rotating the hand, slowly and the wrinkles where the skin is and the color slowly changing to from the lighter palm on mine to the darker skin and just the reverse on his, thumb and forefinger meeting at the exact same angles, on either hand, and looking like a mirror image exactly but in 3D and over to the back of his hand, and every single thing looking the same once I rotated it in my mind, ever hair and vein and ligament and knuckle in the right place but rotated wrong until I figured it out, and then it snapped into place it was exactly the same as mine, wow. An intellectual construction, the nano, essentially little equations putting themselves together into something here and tangible something I could now see and feel and that looked just like me. Wow wow. I was weak all of a sudden and looked around for a chair and he did too, after all we were probably having the exact same reactions.
I have made this. This is another who is thinking the same as me right now, feeling the same. “Right?” I asked, and he said it at almost the same time, and we both smiled. Jim looked at us, and I shook my head now, but on the other hand it would be valuable to us, to science to record it now, so I stood up and he did at the same time walked into my room to get my notebook and when I came back he had his in hand and was sitting and had started writing already. I sat and started too, and so these pages.
Friday, July 26, 2013
ED. NOTE ...
As you can see, the last entry immediately below is pretty intense. And this is where it gets really intense, because I also found a second series of handwritten notebooks in the same box that started with a post that is a lot like the last entry below. The handwriting looks almost identical to my non-expert eye between the two series of notebooks, but I believe, as you will no doubt note, the second notebook deserves a separate blog, which according to the spirit of the subject matter, I have called http://renanocopying.blogspot.com
I have kept up my Internet searching because, as I continue to go through these notebooks, and as you will see (because I confess I have read ahead a little) the technology seems sufficiently advanced enough for there to be some mention somewhere on the Internet, but I still haven't found anything. If anyone reading this does see something that might constitute some kind of information, please let me know so I can provide the links.
July 26
Finally the day is here. I’m sort of numb now rather than nervous - if this thing works it will be earth shattering. We have worked long and hard and tried to anticipate everything. I should be ready. But boy am I nervous. The funny thing is if I was running it from the outside I don't think I'd be nervous like this. My own involvement is what makes this tough. I wonder if it will change the experiment? That is, will my observation change my experimental trajectory? Kind of like quantum mechanics…
I want to focus on the positive – after all who wants to come into the world bummed out? Babies cry of course, but who knows if they are happy or sad? Probably sad – being ripped out of that nice warm womb into the cruelty of the world. And this is the first time if all goes well and God Willing (ha!) that we are going to create a person without a baby, without a mom, without so many things. Wow. I am a little freaked. It all seemed so theoretical, so easy, and now we are doing it.
I got up and went to take a leak. Gotta keep all those functions moving this morning. It would stink coming into the world and having to take a leak right away. Better eat something too. We had planned all that out and I should be keeping a dairy but I need to have a little looseness right now.
I looked in the mirror at myself, trying to read my own face. But the control mask I put on long ago is still firmly in place. I can’t read a thing.
I get to the lab early. The lot is full of cars. It looks like everyone – from workers to investors -- is there early too. I pull right up into one of my two spaces. The other has a car just like mine already in it. If nano me wants to drive.
Jim is waiting, kind of looming – no better way of putting it – my perception is a little hazy – not quite foggy – just a little dream like, with Jim’s face in ultra relief and the rest of the world cloudily present behind.
“You ok?” he asks, little concerned but alert scanning my face for anomalies, treating me a little like a piece of meat, a specimen, not really caring (although he does) but being clinical about his observation. I am his patient more than his friend now, his subject. I tried to scan his face for the effects of last night but he showed nothing. Hmmm….
“So, what happened?” I asked. “Were they twins or what?”
He smiled despite himself. “Well they had certain…similiarities. Now c’mon,” he siad, grabbing my arm to move me along, ”we have to get to work. Di you take you vitals? What was your BP…” and his voice faded as I answered him automatically, allowign him to manuveur me though an unmarked door and directly into the nano room. We had planned for me to be stressed, so Jim is the only one to communicate with me for now. I assume the rest are scurrying about, but his job is simple. Me.
The nano room has dim lighting and water and wood and big dark one way glass and my connecting door to the next room. I sit and feel a little better. He leaves to let me alone. I have this notebook and pull it out and bring it up to date. I’ve been taped and observed since I woke up this morning at home and I’m not thinking really about the faces staring at me behind the glass. The chair I am sitting in has sensors measuring everything that can be measured, as unobtrusively as we could, and the needle to place the implant in me. I am feeling better here in the semi-darkness. I am thinking about what I do. But there isn’t much. I sit, think happy thoughts, get flooded by nano. The nano mold forms, they pull it out, move it to next door, an identical room, flood it with nano there, and nano me is created and takes his first breath and we are done. The nano me then will start thinking too. Will there be a gap for him? For me? We have a book there for him too to start writing right away. No one will talk to him. Except Jim. He will move into the other room when nano me is created. No one else. Not even me at first.
I’m starting to feel a little bloated. Or is that my imagination. Don’t want to lose my cool. This is history. The tapes will be played over and over. If I freak I’ll look like an ass. I’m cool, I’m cool, I’m cool. I start to hear my heart. Crap, what do I think about. “Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name” I lose focus, and random thoughts crowd through my mind, too fast to stop, what if the nano isn’t passive, what if Jim doesn’t come back, what if there is a God, whoa, whoa, where did that one come from, what if this doesn’t work, that water sound is starting to get on my nerves after all, I am sweating a little too much in this chair, I wonder what Maria’s doing? Maybe if I focus on sex that will help…
“Ok, you’re done,” Jim comes in quickly and I jump. “Ow,” the needle implants the code.
“That was too quick, something’s wrong.”
“No we’re cool sunshine, you just lost it a little, you might have fallen asleep, which wouldn’t be surprising considering the neural flooding of your system.”
“Of course not, “ he says, and leaves, to go to the other room.
I sit.
I want to focus on the positive – after all who wants to come into the world bummed out? Babies cry of course, but who knows if they are happy or sad? Probably sad – being ripped out of that nice warm womb into the cruelty of the world. And this is the first time if all goes well and God Willing (ha!) that we are going to create a person without a baby, without a mom, without so many things. Wow. I am a little freaked. It all seemed so theoretical, so easy, and now we are doing it.
I got up and went to take a leak. Gotta keep all those functions moving this morning. It would stink coming into the world and having to take a leak right away. Better eat something too. We had planned all that out and I should be keeping a dairy but I need to have a little looseness right now.
I looked in the mirror at myself, trying to read my own face. But the control mask I put on long ago is still firmly in place. I can’t read a thing.
I get to the lab early. The lot is full of cars. It looks like everyone – from workers to investors -- is there early too. I pull right up into one of my two spaces. The other has a car just like mine already in it. If nano me wants to drive.
Jim is waiting, kind of looming – no better way of putting it – my perception is a little hazy – not quite foggy – just a little dream like, with Jim’s face in ultra relief and the rest of the world cloudily present behind.
“You ok?” he asks, little concerned but alert scanning my face for anomalies, treating me a little like a piece of meat, a specimen, not really caring (although he does) but being clinical about his observation. I am his patient more than his friend now, his subject. I tried to scan his face for the effects of last night but he showed nothing. Hmmm….
“So, what happened?” I asked. “Were they twins or what?”
He smiled despite himself. “Well they had certain…similiarities. Now c’mon,” he siad, grabbing my arm to move me along, ”we have to get to work. Di you take you vitals? What was your BP…” and his voice faded as I answered him automatically, allowign him to manuveur me though an unmarked door and directly into the nano room. We had planned for me to be stressed, so Jim is the only one to communicate with me for now. I assume the rest are scurrying about, but his job is simple. Me.
The nano room has dim lighting and water and wood and big dark one way glass and my connecting door to the next room. I sit and feel a little better. He leaves to let me alone. I have this notebook and pull it out and bring it up to date. I’ve been taped and observed since I woke up this morning at home and I’m not thinking really about the faces staring at me behind the glass. The chair I am sitting in has sensors measuring everything that can be measured, as unobtrusively as we could, and the needle to place the implant in me. I am feeling better here in the semi-darkness. I am thinking about what I do. But there isn’t much. I sit, think happy thoughts, get flooded by nano. The nano mold forms, they pull it out, move it to next door, an identical room, flood it with nano there, and nano me is created and takes his first breath and we are done. The nano me then will start thinking too. Will there be a gap for him? For me? We have a book there for him too to start writing right away. No one will talk to him. Except Jim. He will move into the other room when nano me is created. No one else. Not even me at first.
I’m starting to feel a little bloated. Or is that my imagination. Don’t want to lose my cool. This is history. The tapes will be played over and over. If I freak I’ll look like an ass. I’m cool, I’m cool, I’m cool. I start to hear my heart. Crap, what do I think about. “Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name” I lose focus, and random thoughts crowd through my mind, too fast to stop, what if the nano isn’t passive, what if Jim doesn’t come back, what if there is a God, whoa, whoa, where did that one come from, what if this doesn’t work, that water sound is starting to get on my nerves after all, I am sweating a little too much in this chair, I wonder what Maria’s doing? Maybe if I focus on sex that will help…
“Ok, you’re done,” Jim comes in quickly and I jump. “Ow,” the needle implants the code.
“That was too quick, something’s wrong.”
“No we’re cool sunshine, you just lost it a little, you might have fallen asleep, which wouldn’t be surprising considering the neural flooding of your system.”
“Of course not, “ he says, and leaves, to go to the other room.
I sit.
We are almost there. Another day now. Thank God it’s coming soon – I am going to stroke out. I mean I’m cool, and everything will be fine, but wow, this is a little nerve wracking.
Last night I went out. I sat at a bar and stared at me in the mirror. Lot of me staring at me yesterday. The bar mirror me is even different than the regular mirror me and of course -- like I said above -- the video me. In fact, I’ve probably spent more time staring at the bar mirror me than any other me but I am still not sure why. Alcoholism?
I looked through the bar mirror me to others in the bar. Not many others were staring at themselves. But they were in their own little incisive mini dramas. Which is kind of like staring at themselves. Mostly the girls. It seems to me a girl on a night out can be one long calculated impression – the neurons must be firing constantly.
I caught the eyes of a girl with long dark hair as I stared at her through the mirror. Her date didn’t notice. She smiled at me, tossed her hair back, and kept looking. She kept a little half smile on as I watched her scan the room. She was liking my attention. She was cute.
Oops, her boyfriend stopped talking. She brought herself back to him, took on a concerned look, and he was reassured. He started talking again. She took his hand across the table and went back to him.
Wow, I thought. What a juggling of inputs, variables and outputs. But she wasn’t totally done with me yet. She took the straw out of her drink and sucked on it slowly. Wow, wow, wow.
Some people came in and took the seats next to me but I didn’t notice. I felt someone sit next to me and then something wet in my ear and jumped. I heard laughter.
“Not really with us, are you?” Maria, the owner of the tongue, said.
“Hey, how are you?” I said, and stood up and enveloped her in my arms. She held her pretty little face up and I kissed her, long and feelingly. What happens to her? And us?
“Hey WE are doing great,” a loud voice said. I broke it off and reached around Maria and shook Jim’s hand, “How are you Doctor?”
"I am doing just great Doctor, just great,” Jim said, looking around me for the bartender. “Another day another appendix. As long as the Board doesn't catch up with me. Hey let me have a Sapphire and Tonic, Marie will have a Chardonnay and ladies," Jim turned to two others that had come in with him, “What can I get you?”
“You know,” one of the two said, and the other said “you should!”
“Oh right,” Jim said, “cosmos, pink ones, I think” and the girls nodded their heads, at about the same time. They kind of looked like twins.
"Mark, this is Sharon and Karen." Jim said, introducing the other two. "They're going to be a social worker. Ha, get it? Sharing and Caring."
The girls hit him.
"So, what are we planning tonight? Three of you, two of us, I sense magic in the air." Jim said.
The girls giggled again.
"Well, I am afraid I'm with someone exclusively," Maria said.
"Lose him!" Jim commanded. "We have no room for extras."
Maria smiled and hit Jim.
"What about your friend, doesn't he talk?" Karen said teasingly.
"Oh, he talks,” Maria said, and put her arm through mine. “He talks…the language of love.”
“Ohhhh,” they said, together.
"Do you want to go somewhere?" she asked me. She knew tomorrow was a big day, but I had been a little vague as to why. I looked in her eyes. They were smiling into mine, her eyes bright and beautiful, her face, her expressions so known to me, through years and years and years. Wow times infinity. If this isn’t love what is? And if there are two of me will that be better for her? Or not?
I pulled myself back to her, to the here and now. "I can think of one place," I said honestly.
She smiled even more at me. "Really? Gee, I can't imagine where that would be."
"Now kids," Jim broke in, "this is a public place.”
He turned.
“Ladies," he addressed the others, "These children are in the midst of the joy of love. I leave it to you. Shall we allow them the joy of being with each other in privacy, or shall we see if they can maintain a relationship under real world stress, which to my mind, would only strengthen it – as Nietzsche said of course what doesn’t destroy me makes me strong – and which goes to relationships too I think as in What doesn’t destroy them makes them strong. What should we do? What should we do? Sharon, your vote?"
The smaller of the two, or maybe not, they appeared identical, nodded solemnly. "Oh I think we have to stress them. Maria would do it for me, wouldn't you dear?" She smiled at Maria, a little maliciously. "Remember my engagement night, Maria?"
Maria laughed.
"No, viciousness now girls, no dirty laundry." Jim cried. "And you Karen?"
"Oh I agree absolutely,” the other one said, and I swear they were identical – or else sisters, or else friends who looked exactly alike (why do girls do that but not guys? Have friends who look almost exactly like them? A grouping instinct?) “I think it's our duty to stay and help them."
Jim said, "Another round Bartender, and any help you can provide in getting these two lonely kids together would be appreciated."
"So, Karen," Jim kept on, "Tell me about yourself. Your hopes, your fears, your aspirations. What do you do, who do you see, where do you go? Is there anyplace you'd rather be, anyone you'd rather see? My God," he said to the others, "I'm on a roll, spouting poetry. Don't stop me. Aren't I romantic?" he finished, leaning over and leering at them.
"And this man was my thesis advisor," Karen said, giggling.
"That's right my dear." Jim took her hand, "and now that we no longer have a professional relationship," he stressed "professional" and paused, "perhaps we can have another, more fulfilling sort of contact."
"Oh you can have that sort of contact and still have a professional relationship with her," Maria said laughing.
"Maria!" Sharon, Jim and Maria started talking at each other about Karen's virtues. I sat back and watched Maria argue. Her hair shone, her eyes were lit. She spoke with her body and her voice. She had a simple dress of some kind of shiny material. It rose to mid thigh as she sat. Her legs were crossed. They started from a pair of shiny high heels and were sheathed in dark stockings. I looked back up at my drink. Quickly. I didn't want to stare too long at the place where the legs disappeared under the skirt. Maybe one more quick look. I looked down again, quietly. Her skirt had moved up her leg a little.
"See anything you like?" she asked, catching me, and laughing at me again.
I was embarrassed. Usually I was much more subtle. Hard to control my lust now.
The rest of the evening passed wonderfully. At the end, I told Maria I couldn’t go home with her that night, or for the next few nights. She understood and kissed me long and hard. “Take care of yourself,” she said. Jim shook my hand, said, “see you tomorrow” and walked out, one arm around each of the girls.
Last night I went out. I sat at a bar and stared at me in the mirror. Lot of me staring at me yesterday. The bar mirror me is even different than the regular mirror me and of course -- like I said above -- the video me. In fact, I’ve probably spent more time staring at the bar mirror me than any other me but I am still not sure why. Alcoholism?
I looked through the bar mirror me to others in the bar. Not many others were staring at themselves. But they were in their own little incisive mini dramas. Which is kind of like staring at themselves. Mostly the girls. It seems to me a girl on a night out can be one long calculated impression – the neurons must be firing constantly.
I caught the eyes of a girl with long dark hair as I stared at her through the mirror. Her date didn’t notice. She smiled at me, tossed her hair back, and kept looking. She kept a little half smile on as I watched her scan the room. She was liking my attention. She was cute.
Oops, her boyfriend stopped talking. She brought herself back to him, took on a concerned look, and he was reassured. He started talking again. She took his hand across the table and went back to him.
Wow, I thought. What a juggling of inputs, variables and outputs. But she wasn’t totally done with me yet. She took the straw out of her drink and sucked on it slowly. Wow, wow, wow.
Some people came in and took the seats next to me but I didn’t notice. I felt someone sit next to me and then something wet in my ear and jumped. I heard laughter.
“Not really with us, are you?” Maria, the owner of the tongue, said.
“Hey, how are you?” I said, and stood up and enveloped her in my arms. She held her pretty little face up and I kissed her, long and feelingly. What happens to her? And us?
“Hey WE are doing great,” a loud voice said. I broke it off and reached around Maria and shook Jim’s hand, “How are you Doctor?”
"I am doing just great Doctor, just great,” Jim said, looking around me for the bartender. “Another day another appendix. As long as the Board doesn't catch up with me. Hey let me have a Sapphire and Tonic, Marie will have a Chardonnay and ladies," Jim turned to two others that had come in with him, “What can I get you?”
“You know,” one of the two said, and the other said “you should!”
“Oh right,” Jim said, “cosmos, pink ones, I think” and the girls nodded their heads, at about the same time. They kind of looked like twins.
"Mark, this is Sharon and Karen." Jim said, introducing the other two. "They're going to be a social worker. Ha, get it? Sharing and Caring."
The girls hit him.
"So, what are we planning tonight? Three of you, two of us, I sense magic in the air." Jim said.
The girls giggled again.
"Well, I am afraid I'm with someone exclusively," Maria said.
"Lose him!" Jim commanded. "We have no room for extras."
Maria smiled and hit Jim.
"What about your friend, doesn't he talk?" Karen said teasingly.
"Oh, he talks,” Maria said, and put her arm through mine. “He talks…the language of love.”
“Ohhhh,” they said, together.
"Do you want to go somewhere?" she asked me. She knew tomorrow was a big day, but I had been a little vague as to why. I looked in her eyes. They were smiling into mine, her eyes bright and beautiful, her face, her expressions so known to me, through years and years and years. Wow times infinity. If this isn’t love what is? And if there are two of me will that be better for her? Or not?
I pulled myself back to her, to the here and now. "I can think of one place," I said honestly.
She smiled even more at me. "Really? Gee, I can't imagine where that would be."
"Now kids," Jim broke in, "this is a public place.”
He turned.
“Ladies," he addressed the others, "These children are in the midst of the joy of love. I leave it to you. Shall we allow them the joy of being with each other in privacy, or shall we see if they can maintain a relationship under real world stress, which to my mind, would only strengthen it – as Nietzsche said of course what doesn’t destroy me makes me strong – and which goes to relationships too I think as in What doesn’t destroy them makes them strong. What should we do? What should we do? Sharon, your vote?"
The smaller of the two, or maybe not, they appeared identical, nodded solemnly. "Oh I think we have to stress them. Maria would do it for me, wouldn't you dear?" She smiled at Maria, a little maliciously. "Remember my engagement night, Maria?"
Maria laughed.
"No, viciousness now girls, no dirty laundry." Jim cried. "And you Karen?"
"Oh I agree absolutely,” the other one said, and I swear they were identical – or else sisters, or else friends who looked exactly alike (why do girls do that but not guys? Have friends who look almost exactly like them? A grouping instinct?) “I think it's our duty to stay and help them."
Jim said, "Another round Bartender, and any help you can provide in getting these two lonely kids together would be appreciated."
"So, Karen," Jim kept on, "Tell me about yourself. Your hopes, your fears, your aspirations. What do you do, who do you see, where do you go? Is there anyplace you'd rather be, anyone you'd rather see? My God," he said to the others, "I'm on a roll, spouting poetry. Don't stop me. Aren't I romantic?" he finished, leaning over and leering at them.
"And this man was my thesis advisor," Karen said, giggling.
"That's right my dear." Jim took her hand, "and now that we no longer have a professional relationship," he stressed "professional" and paused, "perhaps we can have another, more fulfilling sort of contact."
"Oh you can have that sort of contact and still have a professional relationship with her," Maria said laughing.
"Maria!" Sharon, Jim and Maria started talking at each other about Karen's virtues. I sat back and watched Maria argue. Her hair shone, her eyes were lit. She spoke with her body and her voice. She had a simple dress of some kind of shiny material. It rose to mid thigh as she sat. Her legs were crossed. They started from a pair of shiny high heels and were sheathed in dark stockings. I looked back up at my drink. Quickly. I didn't want to stare too long at the place where the legs disappeared under the skirt. Maybe one more quick look. I looked down again, quietly. Her skirt had moved up her leg a little.
"See anything you like?" she asked, catching me, and laughing at me again.
I was embarrassed. Usually I was much more subtle. Hard to control my lust now.
The rest of the evening passed wonderfully. At the end, I told Maria I couldn’t go home with her that night, or for the next few nights. She understood and kissed me long and hard. “Take care of yourself,” she said. Jim shook my hand, said, “see you tomorrow” and walked out, one arm around each of the girls.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
ANOTHER TEAR OUT PAGE
Why am I going back to this? I thought I had made my peace with it a long time ago. Or at least buried it. It’s too damn disruptive – can’t think with it in my head. And I have to think now.
Is it the stress of what’s about to happen? The copying? The thoughts? That’s why I went into science in the first place. It was sure. One plus one equals two – and it didn’t really matter what Gödel said about proofs. But now I stand on the edge of an awesome experience and I guess, thinking rationally (which has been my salvation) (can I guess and think rationally?) the strain is taking me to places I haven’t been in forever and thought I had covered up long ago. Let’s try to get back to where I started this.
Hmmm. Nano plastic surgery. But that might be a little tough if we start messing with too much – the law of unintended consequences might rear its ugly head. And me 1.0 is ok in many ways. But maybe me 1.0 could be a little better in the non scientific side – like in emotion and caring, and those kind of things that I let slip all too often because of work. But we can’t engineer for those now anyway. And since nano me is a copy of a functional organism – me – the law of unintended consequences shouldn’t come into play.
But love created me I think. What happened later in my house didn’t change that. My mom told me that more than once, that she was in love and I was a creation of that love. So maybe it is just an extension of love for me to create another me and/or improve the other me so much that it becomes another person. But Nature has settled on its method of reproduction – not to mention God, who I am not sure about – to in part I think include two sets of DNA which increases the mixing and matching and the variety of the organisms. Although I have wondered why Nature stopped at two. Why not really mix it up with three or four or five sets of DNA? That and certain other anomalies makes me wonder about evolution as a science. And of course it is not predictive either. We can’t predict what changes may occur in the future using evolution – and predictability is supposed to be the hallmark of scientific theory.
And this is where it gets really odd. If, according to sociobiology, the genes only desire to propagate, and adaptations are precisely to accomplish that desire (but honestly I could never figure out where that desire was supposed to be – it is stored exactly where on the gene?) haven’t my genes reached unimaginable heights, by now being able to reproduce repeatedly, without love. Which also means without dilution by another’s DNA, so doesn’t that mean that my DNA have “won”!?! They have reached the ultimate pinnacle? They have exactly reproduced themselves, or will once we make nano me, without any other DNA getting involved – without watering themselves down? And once we build the nano mold my genes can reproduce as much as they want because one mold can be used for a theoretically unlimited number of copies as long as you have the nano. On the other hand, I can’t have the first set of genes that tried to reproduce asexually – don’t planaria or something do it? Maybe – and I’m assuming I am a higher life form (see modesty above) – maybe no other higher life form got the ability for a reason, it was selected against, and if so why not? Is there some issue with it, some reason it was selected against? I know by mixing more variation is achieved and likely more adaptability which is why it is seen as an advantage – but if that’s the case, why not three or four or eight mixing together? That would introduce even more variety, not to mention legitimizing orgies.
On the other hand, if we just could reproduce asexually life there would just be one of us and that one could, if it had any environmental survival skills at all, take over everything. After all, the supremacy of the hive or group think has long been touted – such as ants and bees and even the Borg (ok that last was a fictional reference…) The ultimate group think would be a colony of the exact same person – of course they would all think the same way. And, on a philosophical note, the whole private language thing kind of gets blown away – each copy would understand his other (or hers!! What would gender be anyway??) copies implicitly. (And on that private language thing it’s doubtful anyway – especially because close couples and lovers and friends have a private language – and frankly Wittgenstein and most of philosophers I know don’t have anyone they are especially close to in an emotional way – don’t even recognize the worth of emotion in communication -- so they blew that one I think, but I will be able to scientifically prove they did once we make me 2.0.)
And one more thing too. Wouldn’t it be an advantage not to go through the whole courtship thing? Not to waste time chasing after another, and using resources and neurons etc. to do all that? What if we didn’t need any of that to attract a mate? Would love and cooperation and altruism – all the things the sociobiologists think comes from our genes because we need to attract others, go away? So aside from blowing away Wittgenstein aren’t we proving (or not) all that genetic theory too?
Wow I thought this would calm me down, but not. I really am nervous.
Back to the problem right in front of me. Changes to nano me to make me a better me. I can’t change things too much till I solve the code that will let me change the nano once set. And that code is proving very tricky. Another me, another mind like me, might help there. So maybe nano me can help improve himself. Which is a fine and calming thought to end this tear out section with.
END TEAR OUT PAGE
Why am I going back to this? I thought I had made my peace with it a long time ago. Or at least buried it. It’s too damn disruptive – can’t think with it in my head. And I have to think now.
Is it the stress of what’s about to happen? The copying? The thoughts? That’s why I went into science in the first place. It was sure. One plus one equals two – and it didn’t really matter what Gödel said about proofs. But now I stand on the edge of an awesome experience and I guess, thinking rationally (which has been my salvation) (can I guess and think rationally?) the strain is taking me to places I haven’t been in forever and thought I had covered up long ago. Let’s try to get back to where I started this.
Hmmm. Nano plastic surgery. But that might be a little tough if we start messing with too much – the law of unintended consequences might rear its ugly head. And me 1.0 is ok in many ways. But maybe me 1.0 could be a little better in the non scientific side – like in emotion and caring, and those kind of things that I let slip all too often because of work. But we can’t engineer for those now anyway. And since nano me is a copy of a functional organism – me – the law of unintended consequences shouldn’t come into play.
But love created me I think. What happened later in my house didn’t change that. My mom told me that more than once, that she was in love and I was a creation of that love. So maybe it is just an extension of love for me to create another me and/or improve the other me so much that it becomes another person. But Nature has settled on its method of reproduction – not to mention God, who I am not sure about – to in part I think include two sets of DNA which increases the mixing and matching and the variety of the organisms. Although I have wondered why Nature stopped at two. Why not really mix it up with three or four or five sets of DNA? That and certain other anomalies makes me wonder about evolution as a science. And of course it is not predictive either. We can’t predict what changes may occur in the future using evolution – and predictability is supposed to be the hallmark of scientific theory.
And this is where it gets really odd. If, according to sociobiology, the genes only desire to propagate, and adaptations are precisely to accomplish that desire (but honestly I could never figure out where that desire was supposed to be – it is stored exactly where on the gene?) haven’t my genes reached unimaginable heights, by now being able to reproduce repeatedly, without love. Which also means without dilution by another’s DNA, so doesn’t that mean that my DNA have “won”!?! They have reached the ultimate pinnacle? They have exactly reproduced themselves, or will once we make nano me, without any other DNA getting involved – without watering themselves down? And once we build the nano mold my genes can reproduce as much as they want because one mold can be used for a theoretically unlimited number of copies as long as you have the nano. On the other hand, I can’t have the first set of genes that tried to reproduce asexually – don’t planaria or something do it? Maybe – and I’m assuming I am a higher life form (see modesty above) – maybe no other higher life form got the ability for a reason, it was selected against, and if so why not? Is there some issue with it, some reason it was selected against? I know by mixing more variation is achieved and likely more adaptability which is why it is seen as an advantage – but if that’s the case, why not three or four or eight mixing together? That would introduce even more variety, not to mention legitimizing orgies.
On the other hand, if we just could reproduce asexually life there would just be one of us and that one could, if it had any environmental survival skills at all, take over everything. After all, the supremacy of the hive or group think has long been touted – such as ants and bees and even the Borg (ok that last was a fictional reference…) The ultimate group think would be a colony of the exact same person – of course they would all think the same way. And, on a philosophical note, the whole private language thing kind of gets blown away – each copy would understand his other (or hers!! What would gender be anyway??) copies implicitly. (And on that private language thing it’s doubtful anyway – especially because close couples and lovers and friends have a private language – and frankly Wittgenstein and most of philosophers I know don’t have anyone they are especially close to in an emotional way – don’t even recognize the worth of emotion in communication -- so they blew that one I think, but I will be able to scientifically prove they did once we make me 2.0.)
And one more thing too. Wouldn’t it be an advantage not to go through the whole courtship thing? Not to waste time chasing after another, and using resources and neurons etc. to do all that? What if we didn’t need any of that to attract a mate? Would love and cooperation and altruism – all the things the sociobiologists think comes from our genes because we need to attract others, go away? So aside from blowing away Wittgenstein aren’t we proving (or not) all that genetic theory too?
Wow I thought this would calm me down, but not. I really am nervous.
Back to the problem right in front of me. Changes to nano me to make me a better me. I can’t change things too much till I solve the code that will let me change the nano once set. And that code is proving very tricky. Another me, another mind like me, might help there. So maybe nano me can help improve himself. Which is a fine and calming thought to end this tear out section with.
END TEAR OUT PAGE
TEAR OUT PAGE
But then me 2.0 might be better than the me 1.0. And then I will get jealous of me 2.0 (EVEN THOUGH ME 1.0 CREATED ME 2.0 – LET’S NOT FORGET THAT, 2.0 IN CASE YOU AND I HAVE ISSUES, SHALL WE?) Like God got jealous of Adam and Eve once they ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil becoming like Him. But He knew they would, since he knows Man in The Womb. So He created someone who He Knew was flawed. Hmmm.
“So, children,” I remember Father Bleary saying, one day, “from Jesus to the flood, how come God killed his own creations?”
Maria raised her hand because she was often the first and most prepared. “He didn’t Father, it was people who killed Jesus. And God brought the flood because people were evil.”
“But,” the good father said, “Didn’t He make them? Didn’t He know what they would do? And is it their fault He made them evil?“
No one, even Maria, said a word. We didn’t know what Bleary was doing. We didn’t know what to think.
“What about the people the evil ones hurt and killed before God killed them?” and he seemed to be looking at me, but I was having trouble focusing. I had thought that a lot at night at home before they came for me. Praying that they wouldn’t. Oh God stop them now, why me, You promised this wouldn’t happen, why me?
And now the priest dropped his voice, “and didn’t Jesus promise no one under His care would hurt or be hurt? How could that happen?”
And now I was sure he was looking at me.END TEAR OUT PAGE
But then me 2.0 might be better than the me 1.0. And then I will get jealous of me 2.0 (EVEN THOUGH ME 1.0 CREATED ME 2.0 – LET’S NOT FORGET THAT, 2.0 IN CASE YOU AND I HAVE ISSUES, SHALL WE?) Like God got jealous of Adam and Eve once they ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil becoming like Him. But He knew they would, since he knows Man in The Womb. So He created someone who He Knew was flawed. Hmmm.
“So, children,” I remember Father Bleary saying, one day, “from Jesus to the flood, how come God killed his own creations?”
Maria raised her hand because she was often the first and most prepared. “He didn’t Father, it was people who killed Jesus. And God brought the flood because people were evil.”
“But,” the good father said, “Didn’t He make them? Didn’t He know what they would do? And is it their fault He made them evil?“
No one, even Maria, said a word. We didn’t know what Bleary was doing. We didn’t know what to think.
“What about the people the evil ones hurt and killed before God killed them?” and he seemed to be looking at me, but I was having trouble focusing. I had thought that a lot at night at home before they came for me. Praying that they wouldn’t. Oh God stop them now, why me, You promised this wouldn’t happen, why me?
And now the priest dropped his voice, “and didn’t Jesus promise no one under His care would hurt or be hurt? How could that happen?”
And now I was sure he was looking at me.END TEAR OUT PAGE
Sunday, July 7, 2013
We are trying to plan for all contingencies, so today I am looking at myself. I am on a camera and output to a screen so I can see myself as others see me – not as I see myself in a mirror. When my nano person comes out, I want to be used to looking at me so I don’t freak when I see me in nano. A view in a mirror is different than a view in a camera, and since we are more familiar with a mirror view we don’t like picture views. So if I don’t like pictures of me, I probably really won’t like looking at nano me. Or will I? After all, identical twins like each other.
That is why we didn’t proceed beyond Jekyll. We thought that anything beyond a mouse would have freaked out (to use a scientific term) if he or she had viewed himself or herself in the flesh. A dog, if we had Nano’s a dog, would have freaked out (scientific word) if it saw himself or herself opposite him or her; another dog with the same smell, tail and whatever dogs use to communicate. We figured, without knowing truly what animals may understand (after all didn’t Wittgenstein say something about a bat or a lion or something regarding our total inability to understand them?), that a mouse was about as far as we could get in a complex CNS (“Central Nervous System”) without fucking the animal’s mind.
People are animals too, of course, but we do think that we will be able to overcome with rationality (or “free will”) such freaky things as seeing ourselves opposite us. That is why I think I can tolerate seeing me.
I want to have the memory of looking at me too, for my nano me, so that he can be as familiar as I am with looking at me. Like I said above, what is in my mind should be in his mind…we should be just about the same person once we make him.
But we can’t be the same person. That would be impossible. He will be a different person but me in body and mind. And soul if we have one or if nano will copy that too. Of course, if he has no soul and I do that would be rough on him and he would be different although query if you were missing a soul would you know it? The Catholic church which might be the best authority we have or at least the oldest, would say that a soul is not matter, so we won’t be able to reproduce a soul by simply copying matter though nano. But the Catholic Church believes in God too, in a physical manifestation of God that walked this planet – made of God nano? Hmmm, this is the first time I’ve thought about it but it seems that the closest analogy to what we are doing IS the Trinity, Three Persons in One Godhead. Of course, I do know that the Roman Catholics believe Nature (or (“God-ness”) came first and Personality came second, while the Greek Catholics believe Personality came first and Nature comes from Personality. So under Roman Catholic theology I will share my nature with nano me and only second are we separate persons, while under Greek Catholic theology I will be separate people and have separate natures…
Awesome. I am going to delve into the nature of the Godhead by this experiment. And figure out if Man has a soul. But at the least we should be able to create a me of nano, just like Hyde is like Jekyll. And Hyde seems happy enough – even if he doesn’t have a soul. (And I know animals aren’t supposed to have souls so maybe I can’t use them as a precursor experiment to me.)
So that leaves the questions of whether nano me will have a soul and of course assuming there is such a thing, which science theoretically had settled long ago. Kind of like math had settled the universal consistency of numbers. Or didn’t. That is a dig at my friends the mathematicians who like to pretend their “queen of the sciences” is settled. It isn’t. And I still think one day everything will come crashing around down our ears because Pythagoras or Euler or Hilbert or someone made a basic logical error.
But it hasn’t yet. And we were able to use math to construct our quite miraculous nano. And whether or not the me who assumedly has a soul will recognize the me who assumedly doesn’t as me or even as human is an interesting question, but I don’t think the soul question will lead to disaster like the math question could. (Cue Adam and Eve and their attempt to know good and evil…or Icarus and his pride…or Oedipus, or Doctor Faust, etc. etc. But I really don’t think that will be an issue…)
And then we are also attempting to gain insight into the nature or nurture question – nano me’s nature and nurture will be essentially the same, but environmental variables will soon be different. I guess to truly answer that question I would have to nano a baby…hmmm…but for right now it is enough to track the environmental variables which may well give insight to the question. How soon will he start being different? Will he ever be different?
And that brings us full circle more or less to what I am doing right now. I am writing this and occasionally looking up, at the life size me in the screen opposite. I am looping a previous movie I took, of me writing in another notebook. I see my head bent down and the top of my mostly black haired head. Getting a little thin up there. I remember once I asked a barber if it was getting thin and he said it’s “not that bad”. “Not that bad”! “Damn No!” would have been the right answer! I don’t care what the evidence showed, I wanted to hear “Damn No!” With the exclamation point. I never went back.
Maybe I can patch it in with little nano. We make people and replace hair too!
Me on the screen looks up and stares straight ahead. At me here without seeing. I freeze the image. I stare at me, the me on the screen unconscious of me staring at me. I get up and look at me closer. Regular enough features. Dark eyes. Afore (lawyer word!) mentioned hair. We’ve recorded this and other movies for another reason. Teams are ready to record nano me and compare every gesture and every movement to me-me. Will there be any differences? Poor nano me. He will have to get used to that too. But he already did as me-me. Till I revolted and killed the feed – jammed it. Couldn’t think with constant observation. Nano me should be able to last though as long as I did –two weeks. To make it fair to him I’ll record me, as long as he does. Hopefully we can get him to keep a notebook too, and I will too, so we can compare those too. Because we still aren’t sure – but we think – the copying operation leaves no mark. But it is good science to make as many observations as possible.
I am getting a little nervous about all this. Got to watch that. It helps no one. And if I am nervous going in then nano me will have a nervous pattern coming out. Will that impact nano me?
And for God’s sake we need a better name for nano me. I don’t want to be called anything but me and if someone tries it will get old real quick. We couldn’t think of a good name for him so I have proposed we do the decent thing. Let him name him.
I have also tried to make sure that other things that would drive me nuts upon first arrival are taken care of to the extent we can. So for the record (as you lawyers say) it should be clear that nano me is inheriting half my property. Half of everything I own goes to him upon completion – upon his first breath. The lawyers have obtained an opinion from a judge that this transfer is legally recognizable. But there is no transfer of my remaining share ever – why tempt nano me to off me-me? But nano-me wouldn’t off me-me cause I am nano-me too up to this point or a little further till we actually create him and I wouldn’t off me-me or nano me. After all I created nano me. Or would I? After all God offed his creations, and let them suffer and be tortured.
I looked at me again. Looking at every line hair and pore on the screen. My vision is still good and I still look good. Thirty two and too much work hasn’t dented me yet. Otherwise I would do nano surgery on me. We make people and replace hair and fix vision too! We can do nano plastic surgery too. So why not tune up the face and/or body?
There will be one difference between me and him, so we and everyone else can tell us apart. Not for us one of those mistaken identity things in movies. I will have a unique radioactive signature, a small implant, placed under my skin in my right hand as soon as the copying is done. He won’t. And the implant will be as unique as possible, locked by a code that will take something like 10 to the 128th power to unlock. So we will be able to be uniquely id’d.
That is why we didn’t proceed beyond Jekyll. We thought that anything beyond a mouse would have freaked out (to use a scientific term) if he or she had viewed himself or herself in the flesh. A dog, if we had Nano’s a dog, would have freaked out (scientific word) if it saw himself or herself opposite him or her; another dog with the same smell, tail and whatever dogs use to communicate. We figured, without knowing truly what animals may understand (after all didn’t Wittgenstein say something about a bat or a lion or something regarding our total inability to understand them?), that a mouse was about as far as we could get in a complex CNS (“Central Nervous System”) without fucking the animal’s mind.
People are animals too, of course, but we do think that we will be able to overcome with rationality (or “free will”) such freaky things as seeing ourselves opposite us. That is why I think I can tolerate seeing me.
I want to have the memory of looking at me too, for my nano me, so that he can be as familiar as I am with looking at me. Like I said above, what is in my mind should be in his mind…we should be just about the same person once we make him.
But we can’t be the same person. That would be impossible. He will be a different person but me in body and mind. And soul if we have one or if nano will copy that too. Of course, if he has no soul and I do that would be rough on him and he would be different although query if you were missing a soul would you know it? The Catholic church which might be the best authority we have or at least the oldest, would say that a soul is not matter, so we won’t be able to reproduce a soul by simply copying matter though nano. But the Catholic Church believes in God too, in a physical manifestation of God that walked this planet – made of God nano? Hmmm, this is the first time I’ve thought about it but it seems that the closest analogy to what we are doing IS the Trinity, Three Persons in One Godhead. Of course, I do know that the Roman Catholics believe Nature (or (“God-ness”) came first and Personality came second, while the Greek Catholics believe Personality came first and Nature comes from Personality. So under Roman Catholic theology I will share my nature with nano me and only second are we separate persons, while under Greek Catholic theology I will be separate people and have separate natures…
Awesome. I am going to delve into the nature of the Godhead by this experiment. And figure out if Man has a soul. But at the least we should be able to create a me of nano, just like Hyde is like Jekyll. And Hyde seems happy enough – even if he doesn’t have a soul. (And I know animals aren’t supposed to have souls so maybe I can’t use them as a precursor experiment to me.)
So that leaves the questions of whether nano me will have a soul and of course assuming there is such a thing, which science theoretically had settled long ago. Kind of like math had settled the universal consistency of numbers. Or didn’t. That is a dig at my friends the mathematicians who like to pretend their “queen of the sciences” is settled. It isn’t. And I still think one day everything will come crashing around down our ears because Pythagoras or Euler or Hilbert or someone made a basic logical error.
But it hasn’t yet. And we were able to use math to construct our quite miraculous nano. And whether or not the me who assumedly has a soul will recognize the me who assumedly doesn’t as me or even as human is an interesting question, but I don’t think the soul question will lead to disaster like the math question could. (Cue Adam and Eve and their attempt to know good and evil…or Icarus and his pride…or Oedipus, or Doctor Faust, etc. etc. But I really don’t think that will be an issue…)
And then we are also attempting to gain insight into the nature or nurture question – nano me’s nature and nurture will be essentially the same, but environmental variables will soon be different. I guess to truly answer that question I would have to nano a baby…hmmm…but for right now it is enough to track the environmental variables which may well give insight to the question. How soon will he start being different? Will he ever be different?
And that brings us full circle more or less to what I am doing right now. I am writing this and occasionally looking up, at the life size me in the screen opposite. I am looping a previous movie I took, of me writing in another notebook. I see my head bent down and the top of my mostly black haired head. Getting a little thin up there. I remember once I asked a barber if it was getting thin and he said it’s “not that bad”. “Not that bad”! “Damn No!” would have been the right answer! I don’t care what the evidence showed, I wanted to hear “Damn No!” With the exclamation point. I never went back.
Maybe I can patch it in with little nano. We make people and replace hair too!
Me on the screen looks up and stares straight ahead. At me here without seeing. I freeze the image. I stare at me, the me on the screen unconscious of me staring at me. I get up and look at me closer. Regular enough features. Dark eyes. Afore (lawyer word!) mentioned hair. We’ve recorded this and other movies for another reason. Teams are ready to record nano me and compare every gesture and every movement to me-me. Will there be any differences? Poor nano me. He will have to get used to that too. But he already did as me-me. Till I revolted and killed the feed – jammed it. Couldn’t think with constant observation. Nano me should be able to last though as long as I did –two weeks. To make it fair to him I’ll record me, as long as he does. Hopefully we can get him to keep a notebook too, and I will too, so we can compare those too. Because we still aren’t sure – but we think – the copying operation leaves no mark. But it is good science to make as many observations as possible.
I am getting a little nervous about all this. Got to watch that. It helps no one. And if I am nervous going in then nano me will have a nervous pattern coming out. Will that impact nano me?
And for God’s sake we need a better name for nano me. I don’t want to be called anything but me and if someone tries it will get old real quick. We couldn’t think of a good name for him so I have proposed we do the decent thing. Let him name him.
I have also tried to make sure that other things that would drive me nuts upon first arrival are taken care of to the extent we can. So for the record (as you lawyers say) it should be clear that nano me is inheriting half my property. Half of everything I own goes to him upon completion – upon his first breath. The lawyers have obtained an opinion from a judge that this transfer is legally recognizable. But there is no transfer of my remaining share ever – why tempt nano me to off me-me? But nano-me wouldn’t off me-me cause I am nano-me too up to this point or a little further till we actually create him and I wouldn’t off me-me or nano me. After all I created nano me. Or would I? After all God offed his creations, and let them suffer and be tortured.
I looked at me again. Looking at every line hair and pore on the screen. My vision is still good and I still look good. Thirty two and too much work hasn’t dented me yet. Otherwise I would do nano surgery on me. We make people and replace hair and fix vision too! We can do nano plastic surgery too. So why not tune up the face and/or body?
There will be one difference between me and him, so we and everyone else can tell us apart. Not for us one of those mistaken identity things in movies. I will have a unique radioactive signature, a small implant, placed under my skin in my right hand as soon as the copying is done. He won’t. And the implant will be as unique as possible, locked by a code that will take something like 10 to the 128th power to unlock. So we will be able to be uniquely id’d.
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