I am dating these entries differently now, according to the time on the clock. So they will be going backwards to opening time, which is the way I have started to think about it.
Only a little time gone by now. It is beginning to wear on me. Being unable to communicate at all, with anyone. See a face, talk, touch. Not that I touched all that much lately. But I could.
Maria and I had a relationship for a long time, and never really broke up. But we never got closer either. Which was okay anyway because we had known each other for so long and were very comfortable. But I wasn’t sure about what she did or was doing in her job; in a way she was as private as me. I miss you.
And Jim too. Hi buddy! We’ve known each other for a long time too. You are my closest friend no question, and have done so much for me for so long. Thank you.
Wow. Look how maudlin I am getting.
I haven’t heard anything from the outside about solutions. I would think Jim and the rest are working furiously. And nano Mark must be in his box; otherwise I would be unconscious.
Why did he keep his consciousness when I lost mine? There was something in the process that gave him a consciousness spin but not me? Could I figure that out? Can I reverse it? Can Jim and the others?
But there is no noise, no noise from the outside world and I imagine, none from me. No sense of others around because, if they sense me I’ll go back into my coma and, if I sense them only, like looking through a one sided mirror, I think I’d soon go crazy seeing but not touching, not being able to communicate with them.
It’s ironic I’ve gone from trying to do too much to trying to do something, anything. It’s probably even more ironic that I can’t use technology to do anything – when all my life I’ve worked with it and created it and understood it.