28:14

I haven’t been able to find a mathematical solution.  The is a little more than a day left to my unboxing.  I am tempted to forget trying.  At this point it is a matter of challenging the best minds of the past 100 or so years, from Einstein to Bohr, Rutherford to Pauli, Feynman to Hawking to Penrose.

Entanglement is an outcome of their thought.  How can I challenge it?

-- TEAR OUT PAGE --

“You know why we will never be together, right?” she asked as we woke up one summer morning the sun streaming into her happy room.  “Because you,” and she turned to look at me across the pillow, “ are too much of a reductionist.  You are too … digital.”

“It is a scientific position,” I said.

“No it isn’t” she said. “It lacks any analog dimension.  It’s short sighted.  Love is analog.  There is no love in your system.” 

She was right of course but I couldn’t admit it then.

“You think because you got damaged you could ignore love. ”

“Not exactly,” I said. 

“Yes, exactly.  Because you don’t love.  You like.  But you don’t love.  And that doesn’t make sense because love is everywhere.  In ways that simply don’t compute in your system. “

“I don’t think …” 

But she wouldn’t let me even start.  “We have talked about this a million times.  And its cool.  But realize the human race selected for love too – it is something that gives the organism survival value.  But you can’t recognize that.  And that’s cool too.  But I can’t tell you a slightly prickly personality without love is someone I want to hang with.  I love you but I cannot create love in you.  That is up to you.  You have to decide you will love.  You have to decide you will reach out, break through your box, and do it without calculation to every single person.  And to me.”

She slowly smiled, a sad smile, at me, got up and kissed my head.  ”Love you.”

34:54

After my depressing sleep and thoughts about purgatory I tried to do some work, to analyze my situation a little more.

I’ve focused on some very particular math to see if we can keep away from forming the entangled quanta – particles have shown to be entangled but we have come in below the particle level.  As I explained before nano are like pieces of math, and if there is some way to create an alternate configuration maybe we can build a new particle out of Mark’s existing particles.  I wonder – I assume he is thinking the same as me still.  He had another week to engage with the world without me but I am not sure that would Mark him (ha-ha get it?) as different from me…and now he is in his box too.  Coming to the same resolution I assume – after all he and I think the same. 

And that is doesn’t really help up solve the current problem.  Two of me.  One of me failed to see the problem and two of us will just double our lacunae.  Rather what’s need is a complimentary person – someone to fill the gaps in what I didn’t see what areas I skipped over.

38:22

Shit.  I had fallen asleep.  None of this was there, as I slept, and I can’t remember my dream but I was happy and content and at peace.  Now I am up, and a little groggy, and back in my depressing depressing state. 

No interaction.  No people.  I’ve done something unique answered so many questions and get to suffer in purgatory as a result. 

When I went to Catholic School, when I was young, we had a discussion of purgatory.  Our teacher was a good guy, the kind of priest that truly seemed to care – he helped me in couple ways back then.  He was kind of an Irish alky too though (no offense Jim!) amiable, we called him Father Bleary though if memory serves his name was Leary.

“Purgatory, children, is kind of halfway point for some people.  We pray for the souls in purgatory because even though they are in grace and friendship with God, and they are saved, they still aren’t quite pure. They go to purgatory for purification before they enter God’s presence, because nothing unclean can enter God’s presence.”

What do you do in purgatory?  Someone asked.  “pray?”

“We don’t know.  It’s not like heaven, where you are in God's presence, or like hell, where you undergo constant punishment and torment.  We don’t know”

The class was quiet as we all contemplated, in our fourth grade minds, the question of being purified in purgatory.  I remember thinking what would you do?  Maybe not fire like in hell, but maybe it’s kind of hot?  How do you get purified?  What if you don’t?  Off to hell with you?

Me, now, in purgatory?  Maybe I, after all, invented a purgatory on earth.  Halfway between heaven and hell?  How do I get purified?

-- TEAR OUT PAGE --

I wonder if nano Mark is controlling me thru entanglement.  Making me do stuff to be the opposite of his…

41:51

I just realized something about Mark and I.  Since we are entangled, we have to respect the other.  We both have to make sure that we are and the other is, healthy. 

Second is that it isn’t even.  Nano particles have more power over me than I have over them.  In other words, apparently the default is nano Mark being conscious and me unconscious.  Or is that the default?  Can it be reset?

However we are looking at it it isn’t good. 

41:54

This wait is driving me crazy.  I am lying in the bed trying to shut down.  But I can’t.  I wonder if nano Mark is feeling this way.  Or the opposite.